Someone is going to hand you a plate.
Someone else is going to say, "Oh, just whatever you want, it's the holidays!"
And a third person, bless them, is going to comment on how much you are (or aren't) eating.
If you've had bariatric surgery (or you're pre-op, or somewhere in the middle), you're probably already running the Thanksgiving and holiday scenarios in your head.
What's on the table?
Who's going to say what?
Will I stick to the plan or overeat and end up feeling like I ruined everything?
Sound familiar? Holiday eating after bariatric surgery is one of the things my clients bring up most every fall... and it's not really about the actual food.
Why Is Holiday Eating So Hard After Bariatric Surgery?
Holiday eating after bariatric surgery is hard because food is often tied to tradition, family, stress, celebrations, other people's opinions… and surgery only changes the physical part of it all.
Your stomach may be smaller (or your appetite may be quieter after surgery or if you're on a GLP-1), but Grandma's Homemade Stuffing still comes with thirty years of memories. The family dynamics are still there. The stress of hosting is still there. And the pull toward food when you're tired, overstimulated or dodging a relative who wants to talk about your weight? Still there.
I hear versions of this every November: "I've done so well all year and I'm terrified of the next six weeks."
The fear makes total sense. Six weeks of parties, leftovers, and thrown-off routines is a lot for anyone! But it can be even more daunting when you're also rebuilding your relationship with food and your body.
What's the Difference Between ‘Head Hunger’ and Physical Hunger?
This is a distinction I want every one of my clients to have in their back pocket. We work a lot on getting back in tune with their hunger, fullness & satiety cues to help them understand what their “food noise” vs actual physical hunger sounds & feels like.
Stomach hunger usually builds gradually, is open to lots of different foods, and pretty much fades once you're full.
Head hunger (or food noise, food chatter or however you’ve named it) shows up fast, wants one specific food (usually the sugary or carb-y or crunchy one), and it doesn't give a crap that you’ve already eaten or if you're already physically full.
The holidays are basically head hunger's Super Bowl. (Soooo annoying!)
Before the second plate, or the fourth handful of snack mix, or third sliver of pie… try a 2-minute check-in: Is this my stomach or my head? If it's your head, ask what you actually need. Am you tired? Stressed? Bored? Avoiding a conversation with your uncle? Food is often just the quickest way to relief and it’s a hard habit to break when you know it works. Even if it’s only temporary relief.
What Can Help You Handle Holiday Eating After Bariatric Surgery?
Here's what I walk clients through:
Decide before you walk in. Not necessarily creating a full meal plan. Just spend 2 minutes: which 2 or 3 things do I actually want, and how will I eat them? Am I going to take one plate and try to eat slowly and mindfully? Deciding ahead of time takes away any in-the-moment negotiating or “winging it.”
Have a couple canned one-liner for the food pushers. "No thanks, I'm all set." "That looks amazing but I'm good for now." “How about we talk about XYZ, I really don’t want to talk about my weight/surgery today.” Say it warmly, say it once, maybe change the subject. Easier said than done, but you don't owe anyone a medical (or emotional!) explanation of what you are or aren’t eating.
Watch the grazing, not just the meal. The actual dinner plate usually isn't the issue. It's the random picking from that tends to happen pre-dinner and into the late evening... the snack tray, the sides, the leftovers, the candy dish. A single bite may not feel like a big deal or give you a sense of fullness, which is exactly why it sneaks up on people. Fix a plate (even if it’s a small plate of appetizers or snacks!), sit down, and keep note of how you’re feeling throughout the day, not just at the main meal.
Plan for the off-plan moment. You’ll probably eat something that hasn’t been on your plan. Don’t beat yourself up or focus on the decision. Take responsibility and decide what the next choice is that can help you feel good and move forward. Responding to things with self-deprecation, self-punishment or trying to out-exercise food choices only fuels an unhealthy relationship with food.
And please be sure to follow the guidelines from your surgeon and dietitian on what and how much to eat. My focus is the mental health side, not the medical side… and both are incredibly important.
Final Thoughts
Here's a short version: surgery changed your stomach, but the holidays are still emotional, social, and loaded with food, potential stress and days that won’t look like your typical routine. Plan ahead, know your head hunger from your stomach hunger, keep one-liners in your pocket, and give yourself some reframes instead of beating yourself up if things don’t go as planned.
If this resonates, you might also notice the "well, I already blew it, so whatever" thinking that can turn an off-plan meal into an entire week. (That kind of All-or-Nothing thinking looooves November and December!😒)
That's a main reason I created [Bariatric Surgery Success Strategies]. It's a course built around the part of bariatric surgery that the surgery can't do for you: the emotional side, the habits, and your relationship with food. [Learn more here → COURSE LINK]
And if you're in FL or IL and would rather talk it through in therapy, everything about Bariatric Counseling is on my website.
Talk soon,
Lori
Written by Lori Streator, Licensed Therapist & Board Certified Bariatric Counselor (BCBC)
Lori has 20+ years of clinical experience specializing in anxiety therapy, high-functioning anxiety, emotional eating, and bariatric counseling for women. She serves clients in Bradenton, FL and online across Florida and Illinois, owns Solaire Therapy & Wellness, and hosts the Let's Talk About It with Lori Streator podcast.